I was pet sitting in Chandler for a pack of pets the other day, dogs and cats, and thinking about how different they can be. Dogs are soooo goofy and carefree, while cats are more dignified, refined and seemingly haughty and indifferent. And I wondered, if each of them wrote a letter to Santa, what would they say? So here is my rendition of how those letters might read:
A Dog’s Letter to Santa:
Dear Santa Paws,
I been especially good this year. I hardly done anything wrong, welllll…mostly. There was that one time I accidentally ate part of dad’s shoe, but I swear it tasted like filet and it smelled divine, even if mom doesn’t think so. Since I been really good, here’s what I’d like you to bring me:
~ a new left shoe for dad – he’s been walking around in sandals and socks since I ate his sneaker. Not a good look for anyone.
~ a new larger, dog bed since the cat threw up on mine three times last week alone.
~ 2 new tennis balls. Two because I always seem to lose one in the bushes. Or a squeaky toy would be good, orrr a maybe a stuffed rabbit, or a fuzzy chicken, that would be nice too. Orrrr….
~ A new I-PEED so I can remember where I already went, and my own personally monogrammed tree trunk so I can pee to my heart’s content regardless.
~ A Beef Jerky flavored chew bone….mmmmmm.
~ And, I’d really love it if I could have my testicles back, but that may be asking too much, even for you Santa.
A Cat’s Letter to Santa:
Dear silly man wearing a red suit that is obviously too small for you,
Since I’m awesome 24/7, here’s what you should bring me:
~ A smaller bed for the dog, I’m having trouble covering the entire square footage of the king size behemoth he currently sleeps on with my hairballs. Seriously…it’s ridiculous. Half the time he sleeps with the humans anyway…this has been a project in the works for weeks and I’m making essentially no progress. A little help??!!
~ Hairball gel that doesn’t taste like chewy butt. Who makes this stuff anyway? And you wonder why I’m vomiting all the time….Tell you what. You put it on crackers, gag it down and then we’ll talk.
~ A large, freshly caught, deboned salmon, with a big side of tuna au jus.
~ A cat penthouse with a nice perch overlooking the bay window where I can plot the demise of the flying creatures outside.
~ A red dot I can actually catch. What is this sadistic game you people find so hilarious? I have nightmares about that darn thing. When I get hospitalized for insanity, it will be your fault if I don’t get a retrievable dot.
PS – don’t expect cookies, I don’t have opposable thumbs!
Tell your Chandler pet sitter, what would your pet’s letter to Santa have on it? Do your dogs and cats get along?
Happy Holidays everyone! 🙂